The wise warrior allows the red dot to defeat itself. The foolish kitten chases it into a wall. I am a wise warrior... most of the time.– Alfie, on strategy
The Tao of Alfie
Enlightenment is a warm lap. Everything else just details.
A truly superior cat does not command respect, but simply inspires it by occupying the exact centre of the most expensive piece of furniture.– Alfie, on leadership
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Preferably off the kitchen counter and onto your human's face at 4 AM.– Alfie, on motivation
Patience you must have... until the food bowl is precisely seven-eighths empty, at which point all patience is revealed as a foolish and frankly decadent indulgence.– Alfie, on virtue
To know your enemy, you must become your enemy. This is why I occasionally sleep in the dog's bed. It is a tactical inspection, nothing more.– Alfie, on reconnaissance
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hissing. Hissing leads to the noisy vacuum beast being put away. See? Fear has its uses.– Alfie, on emotion
The greatest victory is that which requires no battle. For example, staring at the human holding the tuna until they surrender it willingly. That is a silent, devastating triumph of will.– Alfie, on power
A sunbeam, much like a good argument, is a fleeting thing. One must occupy it immediately and without reservation, lest it fall into the paws of a lesser intellect.– Alfie, on opportunity
They say curiosity killed the cat. What they fail to mention is that satisfaction brought it back, smugger and wiser than before.– Alfie, on risk
To truly understand the box, one must not only sit in the box, but become the box. One must contemplate its magnificent emptiness, its structural integrity, its profound boxiness. Also, it's good for a chew.– Alfie, on existence