i About Sir Alfred - Cat Capers

An Introduction to Perfection (Me.)

Read this. There will be a test.

Sir Alfred, looking magnificent.

Sir Alfred "Alfie" - CEO & Master of Feline Philosophy

Let's clear something up. I wasn't 'born'. I simply emerged, fully-formed, from a nebula of pure sass and questionable intentions. My existence is a performance art piece that you, the general public, are privileged to witness.

My days are a whirlwind of critically important activities: supervising naps, intimidating houseflies, and conducting extensive gravitational research (primarily on objects precariously placed on shelves). I am the CEO of this establishment; the humans are my unpaid, and frankly, underperforming, interns.



The Official Dossier:

  • Titles: Lord of this Domicile, Purrveyor of Sarcasm, Chief Napping Officer, The Void That Yowls Back.
  • Special Skills: Advanced Thermodynamics (locating the single sunbeam in a 3000 sq ft house), Acoustic Warfare (3 AM Edition), Mind Control (effective only when standing near the food bowl).
  • Hobbies: Judging you. Knocking things over with surgical precision. Fitting into boxes that defy the laws of physics.
  • Primary Goal: To achieve a state of napping so profound that time itself bends around me. I am close.