Frequently Asked Questions

The Official Answer: Kneading is an instinctive behaviour from kittenhood, associated with nursing. Adult cats do it to show comfort, contentment, or to mark their territory with scent glands in their paws.

Alfie's Take: It's quality control. I am testing the structural integrity of your lap for napping suitability. It is also a reminder that I have claws and you should be grateful I am not currently using them to redecorate your face. Consider it a compliment.

The Official Answer: Purring is most often a sign of contentment. However, cats also purr when they are nervous or in pain, possibly as a self-soothing mechanism.

Alfie's Take: It is the sound of the engine of the universe running perfectly. I am charging the ambient positive energy in the room. Sometimes, it's a low-frequency threat to the cushion that looked at me the wrong way. You will never know which.

The Official Answer: Boxes provide a sense of security and comfort. As ambush predators, cats enjoy the advantage of an enclosed space from which they can observe their environment without being seen.

Alfie's Take: They are not 'boxes'. They are command centres. Fortresses of solitude. Interdimensional portals. And, occasionally, a chew toy. Your lack of imagination is noted.

The Official Answer: This chattering is thought to be a reflex mimicking the 'kill bite' a cat would use on prey. It can also be a sign of frustration when they are unable to reach their target.

Alfie's Take: I am running advanced tactical simulations and sending taunts to the enemy in their own high-frequency language. It's complex military strategy; you wouldn't understand.

The Official Answer: This action, called "bunting," is a way for a cat to deposit facial pheromones onto you. It's an affectionate gesture used to mark you as a safe and familiar part of their social group.

Alfie's Take: I am anointing you with my royal scent. You are now officially my property, a walking billboard for my brand. Consider it a promotion.

The Official Answer: Yes. Cats are crepuscular, meaning they are most active at dawn and dusk. They conserve energy for hunting by sleeping 12 to 16 hours a day, and sometimes even more.

Alfie's Take: I am not 'sleeping'. I am engaged in advanced astral projection and managing my dream empire. It is exhausting work being this magnificent.

The Official Answer: Catnip is a plant in the mint family. The oil in the plant, nepetalactone, mimics feline pheromones, causing a harmless, euphoric reaction in about 70% of adult cats.

Alfie's Take: It is a sacred herb that opens the door to the fifth dimension. What you call 'acting crazy', I call 'achieving cosmic oneness'. Do try to keep up.

The Official Answer: Studies show cats often recognize their name but may choose not to respond if they are not motivated to do so, unlike dogs who are bred for obedience.

Alfie's Take: I heard you. I am simply screening your calls. My schedule is very full. Please submit a request in writing to my secretary, who is also me.

The Official Answer: A slow blink is a sign of trust and affection, often called a "cat kiss." By closing their eyes in your presence, they are showing you they feel completely safe and comfortable.

Alfie's Take: It is a gesture of royal assent. I am acknowledging your continued existence and deeming it, for the moment, acceptable. Do not get used to it.

The Official Answer: Eating grass can help with digestion by providing fibre. It can also help induce vomiting to clear indigestible matter like fur from their stomach, and it may provide trace nutrients like folic acid.

Alfie's Take: I am cleansing my palate. One cannot be expected to survive on a diet of processed kibble alone. A gentleman requires a salad course.

The Official Answer: While cats have an incredible "righting reflex" that allows them to orient themselves in mid-air, they do not always land on their feet. A fall from a short distance may not give them enough time to turn over.

Alfie's Take: I always land on my feet. The one time I didn't, it was an advanced tactical manoeuvre designed to test the floor's shock-absorbing properties. The floor failed.

The Official Answer: Most domestic cat breeds descend from desert dwellers and have little historical exposure to water. A wet coat is also heavy and cold, making them feel vulnerable.

Alfie's Take: It's not a 'hatred'. It is a principled opposition to being wet. My fur is a finely tuned instrument, not a dish rag to be soaked.

The Official Answer: Cats can be curious, or it may be a sign of affection and that they want to be near you. They may also see the closed door as an unacceptable barrier in their territory.

Alfie's Take: I am your official security detail. The bathroom is a place of great vulnerability. I am there to protect you from shower curtain monsters and toilet paper ninjas.

The Official Answer: In the wild, cats bury leftover food to hide it from scavengers and other predators. This instinct can sometimes manifest in domestic cats as pawing at the floor around their bowl.

Alfie's Take: I am saving it for later, like a fine wine. Or, I am expressing my opinion that this meal is no better than something that belongs in a litter box. It's a subtle critique.

The Official Answer: Cats cannot see in total darkness, but they can see in very low light conditions—about six times better than humans. Their eyes have more rods and a reflective layer called the tapetum lucidum that enhances night vision.

Alfie's Take: Of course I can see in the dark. That's when I do my best work: supervising the house, rearranging your possessions, and singing the songs of my people at 3 AM.

The Official Answer: This posture, called "elevator butt," is an instinctive, positive response to stimulation, especially near the base of the tail. It's a sign they are enjoying the affection.

Alfie's Take: It is a reflex. By raising my posterior, I am creating the optimal aerodynamic angle for you to continue petting. It is simple physics.

The Official Answer: Zoomies are sudden bursts of energy, properly known as Frenetic Random Activity Periods (FRAPs). They are a normal way for cats to release pent-up energy, especially if they've been sleeping for a while.

Alfie's Take: I am conducting high-speed perimeter patrols to ensure the house is secure from greebles, ghosts, and other invisible threats. Your safety is my burden.

The Official Answer: As natural predators that can also be prey, cats feel safer in high places. A high perch gives them a better vantage point to survey their territory for potential threats or opportunities.

Alfie's Take: From a height, one can better judge the insignificant activities of the staff below. The top of the bookcase is not a 'high place'; it is my throne.

The Official Answer: Cats seek warmth, comfort, and security. Sleeping on you allows them to feel your body heat and the rhythm of your breathing, and they are marking you as their own.

Alfie's Take: I am absorbing your life force to fuel my own. Also, your head is the warmest and most inconvenient place in the house, which makes it a prime napping location.

The Official Answer: Yes, cats can have a paw preference. Studies have shown that male cats tend to be left-pawed, while females are more likely to be right-pawed, though many are ambidextrous.

Alfie's Take: I am a genius. My brain operates on a level that transcends your primitive concepts of 'left' and 'right'. But for the record, I open treat bags with my left paw.

The Official Answer: The glow is caused by the tapetum lucidum, a layer of tissue behind the retina. It reflects light back through the retina, allowing the cat to see better in low light. The glow is simply the light being reflected back out.

Alfie's Take: Those are not my eyes glowing. Those are my laser targeting systems locking on to my next objective. Usually, a moth.

The Official Answer: Licking is a form of social bonding and grooming, similar to how a mother cat licks her kittens. It's a sign of affection and acceptance.

Alfie's Take: Your grooming standards are appalling. I am attempting to clean you. Please hold still; this may take some time. Also, you taste vaguely of salt.

The Official Answer:Cats can be sensitive to the taste, texture, and even temperature of their food. This can be an instinct to avoid spoiled or unfamiliar food sources that could be dangerous.

Alfie's Take: I am not 'picky'. I have a refined palate. That slop you served yesterday was an insult to my ancestors. I expect a full apology and an immediate upgrade to the tuna in oil.

The Official Answer:This is another term for kneading. The gentle, rhythmic pushing of the paws resembles a baker kneading dough, hence the nickname.

Alfie's Take: I am not making biscuits. I am performing a sacred ritual to summon the naptime spirits. It's a complex art form.

The Official Answer:This is often called a "love bite" and is not meant to be aggressive. It can be a sign of overstimulation, where the cat is simply saying "that's enough petting for now."

Alfie's Take: It is a gentle reminder of the power dynamic in this relationship. I am allowing you to pet me. I can also choose to end the session at any time. With my teeth.